Bowser Is Scared Of Clowns, But Also Nipples

The ever-wonderful fan account Supper Mario Broth, specialists in uncovering random pieces of Nintendo trivia you never knew you needed but now cannot live without, have outdone themselves today with the discovery that in Super Mario Odyssey, Bowser is a tiny bit scared by Mario if he’s wearing one of six specific costumes.

It’s not like he dies of fright, but he does mention the costumes are scary and stutters a little, and considering he’s an enormous lizard dinosaur monster with sharp teeth and a never-ending army of reptilian and sometimes undead goons at his disposal, that’s still something. Of the six costumes he’ll provide this “scared” response to, three are predictable ones: the zombie, the “stupid skeleton outfit” and the clown, all horror staples.

The other three, though, are less obvious. One is the classic 8-bit Mario skin, which Bowser is maybe scared of because it shows the unrelenting lengths Nintendo will go to, in almost every single video game, to make throwback gestures. Terminator vibes, basically. Another is Gold Mario, perhaps because the skin reminds Bowser of an Austin Powers movie that he simply does not want to be reminded of.

And the last? Nipples Mario. If our world was so moved by the sight of Mario’s nipples in 2017, would it not make sense that the Mushroom Kingdom was also shaken to its core? That Bowser, in his moment of triumph, would be so unnerved by the sight of Mario in nothing but some trunks, flashing a set of nipples that over their decades of encounters he had probably never once seen, that he calls it a “scary costume”?

Of course it does. We were all upset by the nipples, no matter how tall we are.

IN CASE YOU NEED A RECAP:

Shirtless Mario Leads To Widespread Pandemonium

Today, Mario was spotted in the latest Nintendo Direct without a shirt on. Just like that, the internet forgot about its dashed hopes of a new Animal Crossing announcement or Smash Bros on Switch. All that mattered were the sweet little Hershey’s Kisses on Mario’s exposed thorax.